Temperment: What your temperament has to teach you about your sex life.

by Christian Sex Advice on June 6, 2011

By Jim R Harris MA

June 6, 2011


What is your sex temperament?

There are four primary temperaments. These temperaments are known as Choleric, Melancholy, Sanguine, and Phlegmatic.  Everyone has a primary approach to life based in one of these four temperaments. These temperaments may change slightly over the years, but in general they do not change much.  So, understanding our temperaments can give us great insight into what drives us, and how we approach our sex lives. If you are not sure what your temperament is, follow this link to read a description.  First, lets get to know each of the four temperaments.

Sanguine Temperament

The Sanguine’s sex life is best described as fun.  The Sanguine person likes to get a good laugh, and is more likely to take themselves less seriously.  Banter will be an important way to connect with a Sanguine. They are motivated by being accepted, so always being sure to communicate your appreciation. The downside is if you are a Sanguine you will need to guard your tongue. Sanguine’s tend to be sarcastic and may say things they shouldn’t. “If anyone among you thinks he is religious, and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his own heart, this one’s religion is useless” (James 1:26)
If you are married to a Sanguine its especially important to keep things light, have fun, and always let them know what you appreciate about them.  You will notice that Solomon frequently described his lover, always being sure to let her know how beautiful she was and also how playfully he approached her. If you don’t have a sense of humor you might want to get one.

The Sanguine temperament personality is fairly extroverted. People of a sanguine temperament tend to enjoy social gatherings, making new friends and tend to be quite loud. They are usually quite creative and often daydream. However, some alone time is crucial for those of this temperament. Sanguine can also mean very sensitive, compassionate and thoughtful. Sanguine personalities generally struggle with following tasks all the way through, are chronically late, and tend to be forgetful and sometimes a little sarcastic. Often, when pursuing a new hobby, interest is lost quickly when it ceases to be engaging or fun. They are very much people persons. They are talkative and not shy. For some people, these are the ones you want to be friends with and usually they become life long friends. Sanguine can be sometimes emotional.



The Choleric’s sex life is likely to be best described as ambitious.  Choleric personalities tend to enjoy being in charge. They have a deep desire to be in control. If you are choleric it will be important that you communicate what you want and then go after getting it.  For a Choleric personality it may be important for them to know when, and how intimacy is going to be. They may enjoy openly discussing and planning how to spend time together. This will help them with their need for control, and make them feel in charge.  If you are married to a Choleric personality you will need to set limits and be clear about what you want or you may feel controlled or bullied.

A person who is choleric is a do-er. They have a lot of ambition, energy, and passion, and try to instill it in others. They can dominate people of other temperaments, especially phlegmatic types. Many great charismatic military and political figures were cholerics. They like to be leaders and in charge of everything


A Melancholic persons sex life could best be described as creative.  The upside of the melancholic person is that they can be very romantic and passionate. This is the personality that is best know for creativity. So, changing things up will be very important for the Melancholic married sex life.  If you are married to melancholic personality it will be important that you take care of the details before you try to  be intimate.  Because of their creative bent they can be oversensitive to details.  If something is on their mind it will be hard for them to focus on anything else.  This personality will feel better when all the boxes have been checked.  So, taking care of the details will make for a happier Melancholic partner.

A person who is a thoughtful ponderer has a mela ncholic disposition. Often very considerate and get rather worried when they could not be on time for events, melancholics can be highly creative in activities such as poetry and art – and can become occupied with the tragedy and cruelty in the world. A melancholic is also often a perfectionist. They are often self-reliant and independent; one negative part of being a melancholic is sometimes they can get so involved in what they are doing they forget to think of others.


A Phlegmatic persons sex life could best be described as cozy.  The Phlegmatic temperament tends to be shy, affectionate and calm, so it is important that if you are married to a phlegmatic you make them feel safe. Don’t misinterpret a Phlegmatic as being aloof. The passion and intensity of a phlegmatic may be hard to see, but it is there to be found.  If you are married to a phlegmatic be sure to spend time listening beneath the surface. The safer a phlegmatic temperament feels, the better the relationship rewards will be.

Phlegmatics tend to be self-content and kind. They can be very accepting and affectionate. They may be very receptive and shy and often prefer stability to uncertainty and change. They are very consistent, relaxed,calm, rational, curious, and observant, making them good administrators. However they can also be very passive-aggressive.

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